As I am writing this it is Monday night after the long weekend. I have had the three days off of work. (Friday, Sunday and Monday) and yet I’m thinking about tomorrow, about going to work. The thought of It makes me tired and want to curl up in bed. My weekend was not full of crazy energy sucking activities that drained me.. it was actually quite a relaxing and calming weekend. so why am i dreading work? is it because I’m simply lazy? i don’t think so..
Depression makes EVERYTHING hard it makes Every tiny little thing you do feel like a big job, some days i want to cry at the thought of brushing my hair. so of course going to work is not gonna be easy! not only is it draining mentally and physically but its also not an enjoyable activity which feeds into your “whats the point?” mindset.
for an average person (at least from what I’m told) they get tired and can take a day or two to rest and then get back to things. They may not necessarily enjoy going to work but they don’t dread it or let it destroy there entire weekend. I’ve had to work on living in the moment- reminding myself that if I am out at lunch, eating then i need to live in the moment and not ruin that time by thinking of work.
one of my siblings has a bad habit of this. they are constantly thinking about work and they never really take time off. they are always checking if they have to reply to work messages and stressing over whats to come in the next week.
a lot of us struggle with this- not living in the moment. its not just people with depression. But for someone with depression it is magnified because all they can see is the dark the bad, the negatives. i don’t try to focus on the bad.. in fact i try my hardest to every day notice the things that bring me even a splinter of joy. it can be anything! Today for example, I was on my phone trying to post something and coco (my dog!) came over and wanted me to pet her so i decided to put my phone and give her attention. i noticed how soft her fur was and looked into her beautiful hazel eyes and i let that moment bring me joy.
I don’t know how exactly i get through work, some days i have walked out the door with my hair in a bun and not brushed and having tears in my eyes as i made my way to work. My family helps to try and encourage me which i am very grateful for. But beyond that, The way i get through it is by telling myself that i can do this, time will go fast and the day will be over. there have been SO MANY days i have gone to work Furious with my family and the world because they pushed me to go to work.. but i have to admit (not every time!) but most times… being at work helps… and it doesn’t help much! it just sliiiightly alters my mood it forces me to engage with others and that thirty second interaction takes my thought of of the depression.
The best advice i can give you if you struggle with this is to try and find an understanding of your own limits! I genuinely believe that some times you do need to take a day and focus on caring for yourself! and other days pushing yourself might be whats best to get you to a bit of a safer mind set! Its important to learn what helps you cope with depression! and Always remember you have to do what is best and what is safest for you.