It has taken me a looong time to get to this point. For the longest time I battled severe depression and anxiety every day to try and make it to work or complete daily tasks like laundry.
Finally I have found a complete turn around in my life and I am full of motivation, and ambition.. I have a goal in mind which is to finish my education. In order to do that I need money and right now I am doing whatever it takes to make it happen.
I have only missed one day of work in the past few months when I was genuinely sick with a migraine and I did work all morning until I was so nauseous I couldn’t continue. I have been sacrificing sleep, friends and everything in between- most days forgetting to eat meals.
I leave the house before the sun rises and get home after the sun is down.. I barley see my family and this thanksgiving weekend I’m not home for any family dinners so my family is fitting in a family lunch instead.
Work isn’t always fun or exciting and there are times I would rather be at home sleeping but I know that by next August I need a number in my bank account and the way to do that is to work as much as I can. I’m quite enjoying it and quickly progressing in my newest job as a server.
I am practicing my skill set of making small talk, finding confidence and I’m always trying to come up with solutions to any complications that arise in the workplace. I am becoming so much more outgoing and have been interacting with my coworkers, and yea that includes many males! In fact last night I was the only female there at the end of the night with five other male workers and yet I had zero anxiety. I talked with them and laughed, spoke to my boss about some ideas I had and went home happy.
Depression is a killer in everyday life.. literally and also not, I have been the person who cries and the thought oF rolling out of bed.. who doesn’t have the energy to shower and calls in sick because I just can’t handle life. I have been there and I have suffered. I have been so full of anxiety that I have had no rest for weeks at a time that I have been constantly nauseous and weak and yet had to continue.
I don’t want to mislead those of you struggling by making my change in situation seem simple because it has taken YEARS! And I still have my struggles! It takes a long time and a lot of effort to get to a good place! It is awful and exhausting!
The reason I believe I am doing so well is that I am continually working with my team including my psychiatrist and therapist to manage my depression and anxiety and find ways to cope. Beyond that I have my family who has taught me an amazing lesson which is to always look for a solution, don’t just focus on the problem. I practice this every day now, if I feel something is stressing me out I offer a suggestion or idea as to how we can improve it.
With all this being said .. I will point out that again.. I’m not perfect, I still struggle a lot with my anger both expressing it and having people angry at me. If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen my post cursing about a truck that blocked our driveway the other night, and yes I was FURIOUS .. I was left with nowhere to Park I had a very long day and they were stupid enough to block an open driveway. I went inside and probably slammed doors and stomped around without realizing it in the moment and had to hold myself back from going outside and screaming at them for being stupid mother.. well I won’t finish that sentence. But you get my point!
So yea! I am doing good! But I’m still working on it! And the only reason I’m able to get the therapy I need is by having money to pay up for my support systems to stay in place.. not everyone has the ability to do that and Canada has a LONG way to go with accessible healthcare and mental health. Before I go.. let me just throw it out there that the election is coming up soon, so keep that point in mind while you head out to vote.